Official Letter: Opening Remarks

800 S Main St, Harrisonburg, VA 22807


To Whom It May Concern,

We are gathered here today to celebrate what is most important here, me. In this presidential debate I have proven over and over again that I will look out for the people. If the people are me, and I am the people. We have rallied support from all over this great nation to back my bid for the scapegoat position of these United State’s government. Our campaign has raised millions of dollars, because we all know that whoever raises the most funds has the best chance at the seat of least power and most criticism…I’m looking at you Fox News.

This brings me to my next point on why you should vote for me, Official Letter, as your next president. The media loves me. I am to the point in my diction that the everyday American has no clue how to decipher what I am saying, which leaves the media the role of translator so they can continue warping my message in perpetuity. Not only does the media love me for my incomprehensible bureaucratic red tape language, but some of my largest supporters own the news outlets to give me the most publicity. Yes, yes thank you for your applause.

I promise, when I get elected that I, Official Letter will be as formal and short as possible when writing public policy that affects every single one of you. I will follow every rule, even if that means having to rewrite the constitution every few years, as it was created to be. Never will I let you be able to skim over my speeches, executive orders, laws, or bills to basically understand your rights as a human living in America. No, I promise to try and sneak past human rights violating laws and limitations in incomprehensible technical jargon and structure.

Thank you America. Thank each and everyone of you, but most importantly,

Thank me,

Official Letter

2016 Presidential Candidate

Running on the The Most Ridiculous Presidential Candidate Ever

Seriously How Am I Still Allowed On TV Ticket

College Graduate From The Local Online Scam University 1987





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