Some say you stand for the National Basketball Association; others say you stand for “No Boys Allowed.” Personally, I think that you stand for “Never Brought Agony” because you have never brought agony into my life. Well then again, I guess that’s only somewhat true judging by the fact the New York Knicks haven’t made the playoffs since 2013, but you are still good to me. You have brought me the likes of Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Allen Iverson, Lebron James, Stephen Curry….the list is endless.
I knew we were a match made on the hardwood ever since I put on my first oversized jersey and New Era fitted cap. From that moment on, I decided I loved you and I would dedicate my life to the pursuit of your love in return. You plagued my mind and stole my time. I thought of you as I shot 1,500 jump shots daily. I dreamt of you as I slept with a basketball in my hands. I spoke of you as I counted down from ten at the YMCA to beat the imaginary buzzer. Most importantly, I envisioned our wedding day when the commissioner would shake my hand during the draft and join us together forever in holy matrimony.
Alas, it seems that the staggering height of 5’10”, a delayed puberty, and a propensity for turnovers was enough to prevent our marriage from happening. But hey, maybe in a few years if we are both single, we should try to rekindle what we once had. In the meantime, I’d like to leave you with this poem.
This is my act of love towards the National Basketball Association
We haven’t had the pleasure of meeting but I know you through association
The time we’ve spent together is the sole source of my procrastination
I chose you over any girl, inevitably preventing chances of procreation
You manifest your destiny from east to west across this nation
You make your name from competition and your dime from elimination
Other leagues have tried to copy but you are a stranger to duplication
Although, you’ve made too many rules and I pray for deregulation
You can keep the NFL, Pain and I, we just don’t gel
You can have the NHL, I tried hockey once, but I fell
Why watch the MLB, when you can go to sleep for free
All these leagues are fine, but they are definitely not for me
I gave a chance to FIFA, but I just couldn’t watch their soccer
Their football was okay, but their acting deserved an Oscar.
So once again my love, please take this message from the author
I know you’re busy now but I’m steady waiting at the alter