Category Archives: Elements of Style Challenge March 2016

Cockney:Opening Remarks

Wotcha ladies and gentlemen. lets be ‘onest none of us wanna be ‘ere today, but i’m ‘ere ter tell ya why ya should vote for me for president. Overlookin’ the bloody fact that i’m not even from this country, I fin’ I would expand your forgiven politics…if ya kna wot I mean. I’d fix your idea of ‘ealthcare and be able ter sound more ridiculous than sum of the bloomin’ ovver candidates ter procure the present and last bit of public attention for the part. And none of ya ‘ave ter worry abaht me takin’ a vacation ter scarper off to go golfin’. I ‘ate ter waste tax payer dough for people ter watch me put a ball through a ball thro’ a bloody window. And mates, I promise not ter be difficult ter understand in any of me policy decisions exceptin’ in me accent. ‘eaven and ‘ell that’s abaht aw that i’ve got floatin’ ’round up ‘ere ter talk abaht. so go out a’ vote for me, unless there’s a line, lookin’ at ya ‘rizona!

 

Thank ya and goodnight!

Official Letter: Opening Remarks

800 S Main St, Harrisonburg, VA 22807

2/5/2016

To Whom It May Concern,

We are gathered here today to celebrate what is most important here, me. In this presidential debate I have proven over and over again that I will look out for the people. If the people are me, and I am the people. We have rallied support from all over this great nation to back my bid for the scapegoat position of these United State’s government. Our campaign has raised millions of dollars, because we all know that whoever raises the most funds has the best chance at the seat of least power and most criticism…I’m looking at you Fox News.

This brings me to my next point on why you should vote for me, Official Letter, as your next president. The media loves me. I am to the point in my diction that the everyday American has no clue how to decipher what I am saying, which leaves the media the role of translator so they can continue warping my message in perpetuity. Not only does the media love me for my incomprehensible bureaucratic red tape language, but some of my largest supporters own the news outlets to give me the most publicity. Yes, yes thank you for your applause.

I promise, when I get elected that I, Official Letter will be as formal and short as possible when writing public policy that affects every single one of you. I will follow every rule, even if that means having to rewrite the constitution every few years, as it was created to be. Never will I let you be able to skim over my speeches, executive orders, laws, or bills to basically understand your rights as a human living in America. No, I promise to try and sneak past human rights violating laws and limitations in incomprehensible technical jargon and structure.

Thank you America. Thank each and everyone of you, but most importantly,

Thank me,

Official Letter

2016 Presidential Candidate

Running on the The Most Ridiculous Presidential Candidate Ever

Seriously How Am I Still Allowed On TV Ticket

College Graduate From The Local Online Scam University 1987